i had lots of cuddles with this little lady … sooooo sweet.
‘utopia and confusion’
one thing i am in constant battle with is the old friends, new friends dilemma. i am only just starting to come to terms with the fact that in life friendships (seem to) constantly change. these last few weeks i have been celebrating many occasions with a lot of very special ladies.
some old friends that i rarely see these days. but girls whom i have a history with – whom i have cried in life with (mostly over our broken hearts … AS – you must remember my snot and tears after one particular break up … ha !), laughed in life with, danced in life with with (esp. you BY,SR,GD,AS,EK,HS). it feels like i saw these girls ‘just the other day’ when we get together. the reality is I see them (at best) a couple of times a year. i love and i cherish these girls.
some new friends that i see all the time. with these girls i am creating history as we walk this rocky and unpredictable road of life – they are exciting, creative, challenging (because they are so darn amazing at raising kids, going through dark days & having FUN !). i feel like i am changing for the better when i hang with these girls (esp. you MS,MN,SS,EM,CF, my MG). i love and cherish these girls.
so what happens when these two worlds collide?! i am in utter utopia and confusion at the same time ! these last two weeks i have swapped from one do to the next between these two worlds. it is hard to reconcile. i think because sometimes i feel like i am not being true to me & how God created me with either group of gals … with my ‘old’ friends, i slip into my ‘old’ self, with my ‘new’ friends i slip into the ‘who i want to be’ self. i wish i could just be me 100% of the time. all i can say is, i am just so thankful that these girls love me no matter who i am trying to be. i am so glad that we are all constantly changing – that history is history, the present is the present and that the future will throw a whole host of unexpected and refining events at us.
all i can say is a big fat thank you !!!! to all you girls who have loved & supported me over the years, who currently love and support me & you girls (whom some i have not met) who will love and support me in the future. i pray that i will have a big heart and a generous soul to each of you always.